Happy 2nd Birthday
Our family is BIG on dates, myself especially. I have always been a sentimental person and dates are just one thing I tend to remember.
August 26th should have been our baby's 2nd birthday.
In all honesty, the month of of August is, usually a month that I dread. It feels like a constant reminder of the things that should have been. I had been praying that God would re-write that date for me with something amazing. Not so that I would forget about what "should have been," but so that I could always reflect back on something good. Again, but always in His timing, my prayer was about to be answered.
This year, August 26th, happened to fall on the week of our vacation in Corolla, NC. That morning, I got up before the sun and made my way to the beach to watch the sunrise. When I made it over the dunes, I was a bit upset because of how cloudy the morning was. More than anything I just wanted a beautiful morning on the beach to remember my little one. I sat on the beach already sad and listened to Oceans on repeat. As I sat there, the sun did finally peak out, but it was nothing like I had wanted the morning to be. I remember thinking, "God, all I wanted is an out of this world sunrise. Something to show me you still see me." I made my way back to the beach house feeling a little let down.
Later, we made our way out to the beach as we had every other day that week. Most days, Derek and I were accompanied by our family members, who were on vacation with us. However, this day, Derek and I ended up on the beach alone. We sat under the umbrella staring out at the ocean and we started talking about our future family.
As we sat on the beach together, uninterrupted, Derek brought up adoption. It took every ounce of me not to break down in tears, for just one week prior my heart had completely softened to the idea of adoption. However, I knew that unless we both were on the same page, it would never happen. I think subconsciously I was praying that Derek's heart would somehow soften just as mine did.
This was the moment when we both knew the time was right. We serve a God who is beyond incredible and who loves unconditionally. He knew my heart's deepest desire, He's heard every cry and He planned that moment to be far greater than anything I could have ever imagined. I sit here now typing this story with tears because I don't deserve the amount of love and grace that God pours out on me. I'm humbled and so very grateful.
In a single day, God completely re-wrote August 26th for me! He opened our hearts and the doors to pursue adoption. Later that night, Derek and I went back to watch the sunset. It was breathtaking.
After our miscarriage, I was left feeling very uneasy about our future family. haven’t felt completely at ease about our future family. I used to obsess over the "how" and "when." Since we've decided to adopt, I have had complete peace. And that is a gift from my heavenly Father for which I am utterly grateful for.
xoxo Lauren